It's a good evening, really.

As I was walking on the connecting bridge between dental and medical department just now, I turned and looked out. The sun had apparently set but not quite completely. The sky on the far horizon had already been covered in a hue of orangy red, much like the mosaic you so often saw on a piece of batik, and I couldnt help but remember the picture I had taken last year.

This picture you saw was taken during an outing with other international students last year. I remember as I was aiming the shutter towards the sky, my Vietnamese friend said, "Dont take that. It is so sad." I paused and looked at her. Her eyes looked down and walked away. I snapped it anyway. Later that day, I recalled someone who dreaded the evening. He would get incomprehensibly sad at the time when the day was nearing its end but the night was not quite ready to unfold itself yet. It was just so depressing, he said. What's on his mind? I wondered.

I went through the same phase many years ago. But today, instead of feeling lonely and depressed, I let go a sigh and started forming sentences in my head. Then I realized I had begun to change the way I looked at my world. I learned how to consciously stop putting emotional labels especially the negative ones. I couldnt help but wonder: was this the breakthrough moment which came up so often in the spiritual teachings? Were all my chakras in line finally and I was looking out through my third eye?

I have no idea. But I was sure of this - the moment you stop putting emotional tags, that is when you are liberated. I was glad that I had escaped being sucked into the whirlpool of negativity today. Some labels are best left inside the closet. Indeed.

Hello, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

To me you are only bull shits and nor longan nor lychee!

November 25, 2009 7:51 PM

Anonymous said...

Ooops.. 4got to add only a BANANA MAN! none other than....

November 25, 2009 7:52 PM

Whoever did this, you are the most pathetic person on earth! If you think you could hide behind "Anonymous", you are so wrong. Everyone knows who you are. Nonetheless, I still welcome you to my blog, because it seems to me that you just cant get enough of my shit which is why you keep coming back for more! And continue your supports by disgracing yourself. I have been running out of nonsense to write and thanks to you I have just resuscitated my blog. Hope you have enjoyed it as much as I did.

ps: you finally got "none other than.." right.

Maturity

I didnt write anything for the first ten days of the month because I had nothing interesting to write and I was worried that, if I had forced myself to write, I might be churning out rubbish. So I opted not to write. We started blogs for various reasons. I wrote because I needed an outlet for the caustic loneliness which was eating my sanity away slowly each day. I am glad I did and along the way, I make wonderful friends like you. However, in the beginning of this month, I wondered if I had been writing nonsensical stuffs as suggested by one particular blogger, yawning, and more importantly, "Do what I wrote, thus far, reflect the level of my maturity as a single young man at 36?"

How do you define maturity? Susan wrote a note about it, On being Adult. Though she didnt address maturity directly, I shared one of her thoughts. Like Susan, I used to think that all adults, people who are older than us, are mature. But is that the definition of maturity? I couldnt help but wonder. And at 730am before hitting the shower, I had a light-bulb moment. Maturity is not a number. It is not a bond you cash after twenty years. And being chronologically older does not necessarily translate into being more mature or even wiser. To me, being mature means possessing the ability to control your own emotions and ride it well like a skilled equestrian.

It is funny that as human, we would like to think of ourselves as being on the highest caste in the animal kingdom when, in fact, we are nothing but a giant chemical factory processing million of molecules every day. But what separates us from Benji is this ability to be in charge of our emotions and not go randomly attacking people like a mad female dog* on the streets, or hid behind Anonymous so that you could show your middle finger in blogosphere, when we are feeling moody or irritated because the last phase of our lives, where all the chemical upheavals in our bodies are screwing our lives, has just begun.

I pity those who have poor command of their emotions. It is sad when they do not realize that is the exact reason they are in whatever predicament they found themselves. And these are very selfish people, they try to ruin your day just because they are unhappy. But what is even sadder is when they cannot see that the only grave consequence from their action is that they get trapped in a deeper and darker emotional blackhole without even remotely affecting the others. And this will be the point I want to make in this entry.


*Wikipedia : In literal, non-slang use, bitch is a term for female canines, particularly amongst dog breeders.

The joy of........

Of late, I have the honor of getting to know a few bloggers more intimately. One of them had actually seen the real me on MSN. One of them laughed so hard that the whole department was alerted upon seeing a picture of me ten years ago and since then we, and another blogger, the three of us had been exchanging emails incessantly. Eugene used to say that non bloggers will never understand the joy of blogging. Now I understand why. And [SK] wrote today, ".......i think being moderately and wittily reserved would be the best, we have to know that despite this is our personal blog, it is still sitting on a public platform.." I totally agree with him and which was why I am still in disguise as one of the bloggers pointed out to me in my mailbox today. In verbatim,

Blogger: U used to comment in my blogs.. but sometimes, I just couldnt stand u..
Ur Hiroshima & ur head more like a bushy head to Einstein.. hehehe..
How's Hiroshima 2day? any big holes by the Bomb in 1945 by the Allied Army??? I never step a foot there... kakaka.. wat a disguising world u have!!!

Me: hahahhhah why couldnt stand me? aahhahhah....hiroshima is doing very well today. sunny yet cold...not big holes from the bombing. everything has recovered since.

Blogger: Well.. u can disguise on.. as long as u live..

good grace...!!!!

Me: hahaahha....shy lar to come out in real....anyway a few bloggers whom i have never met before got to know me abit more personally recently hahaahahaa.....

Blogger:

sure it was familiar 2u

i better take a nap than reading ur nonsense LIao..

Words and punctuation are powerful tools. But sometimes they can be confusing. So, even now, with these pictures, I have no idea the message this particular blogger was trying to get to me. And these "hidden codes" arrived suddenly in my mailbox today. Though confused, I am still excited to blog about it after consulting a few people. I wont name them, of course. But you know who you are!

Perhaps someone can decipher these codes?

Dont play with your food!

It's 1230am and I should be sleeping. But I am not because I'd just heard the funniest joke and laughed so hard that I am so awake right now.

A few moments ago, my gay friend buzzed me from MSN. So we were chatting. Me listening as usual as he related an unpleasant happening at his workplace recently. And he was multitasking too. Apparently, as he told me, he had just received a message from someone at a gay dating site as we spoke. Someone had asked him downrightly to have sex. He felt so flattered that this guy should be so turned on even without meeting him in person, and so he quickly opened this fella's profile. However, very much to his disappointment, all he found was an ipod and nothing else. He wondered how he was going to answer the request. He didnt want to appear shallow and rude. And as his excitement slowly cooled down, he noted that guy's profile name. It was taken after a kind of crustacean. Some kind of seafood. Right then, he found his answer and replied;

[Thank you for your interest. But I dont fuck seafood. My mum told me once,"Never ever play with your food." And good night!]

Manglish's hungry!

The weather is getting colder. And it means only one thing to Manglish - HUNGER!

I was so hungry yesterday, I ate two fried eggs sunny side up, two slices of bread, two pieces of cheese and instant Knorr onion mushroom soup at nine in the morning, followed by rice soaked in cabbage and carrot chicken soup at around noon. Three hours and two movies later, I ate ten pieces of kacang tumbuk, a pack of potato chips and a glass of milk, a gift from the savanna of Hokkaido as it claimed on the package. And apparently my body was too weak to appreciate the goodness, I shitted harder than ever after that. So hard I think I sprained my asshole. But that did not stop me from feeling hungry. At about five in the evening, I ate again. And again at nine at night. Finally I went to bed at eleven thirty after an apple, PTU and Bucket List.

For breakfast this morning, I ate my "favorite" instant udon with a piece of dehydrated tofu which puffed up after three minutes of soaking in hot water at seven. Then a bowl of medium sized rice, salad and a piece of fish with some white raddish on the side, at eleven thirty. And I had just bought a sandwich with a piece of fried chicken and some potato salad wrapped within three slices of thin white bread, a tiny package of potato chips and coffee. Manglish was insatiable!

I knew it was the weather because I was equally hungry last year around this time. As I headed back to my laboratory just now, I was kind of looking forward to the next tea party because I get to eat for free. If there is one thing you should know about Manglish, it's this - he is where the free food is. Manglish will never turn down a free meal no matter how horrible it is. "Do not waste your food", that is what Manglish strongly believes. Do you also know that Manglish eats off his friends' plates? Yes, he does and he is not shy to admit it! He is the DBKL of any parties.

Wait a minute. I thought it was the weather......

Conspiracy Theory

Here is what I think.

Several months ago, someone (was it Tekkaus or Superman?) wrote a post regarding the Port Klang Free Trade Zone and how Ong Tee Kiat was doing a good job by exposing the scam. I remember submitting my comment which went something like this "if he kept digging, he would very soon be digging his own grave.", sort of. All these happened at the heat of the moment when the controversy was still new.

Now, I wonder if the current saga at MCA is actually related to this. It seems to me that everyone wants Ong Tee Kiat to go at all cost! I didnt really follow the development until recently, thus, I didnt know what had triggered off the drama. What did Ong do? Is he really such a corrupted and bad leader that he must go to bring unity to the community? Or are all these, somehow, connected to something which are not revealed to the rakyat? As it is, our beloved PM, acknowledged that he is more than willing to mediate the tussle if invited. Had they planned this all along? That he would ultimately step in to help solve MCA's "problem", should Ong remain incalcitrant. 10 billion Ringgit is A LOT of money, after all!

What do you think?